All About ‘Miswants’: Misconceptions about Happiness
Introduction: What Are Miswants?
Have you ever found yourself striving for wealth, career accolades, or physical beauty, believing they would bring you joy, only to discover an emptiness after achieving those goals? Can achieving these goals truly increase your happiness, or are these notions simply common misconceptions about happiness? Science says it’s the latter.
This phenomenon, often referred to as “miswanting,” highlights our tendency to chase things that don’t genuinely contribute to our happiness in the long run. Coined by psychologists Daniel Gilbert and Timothy Wilson, the term “miswant” reveals our mistaken predictions about what will bring fulfillment. These misperceptions are fueled by societal pressures and personal assumptions, leading many of us to prioritize goals that ultimately fail to deliver joy.
This week, we’ll explore the most common happiness myths, delve into why they dominate our choices, and uncover strategies to break free from their grip. Whether it’s the belief that material possessions equate to joy or the assumption that success defines happiness, these false ideas keep us from focusing on what truly matters. Let’s begin by examining the connection between happiness and materialism, money and happiness, and the deeper debate of success vs. happiness.

Common Miswants: What We Think Brings Happiness
Misjudging what brings joy is a universal human experience, rooted in deeply ingrained misconceptions about happiness. Many of us chase goals that promise fulfillment but fail to deliver lasting contentment. Let’s explore some common happiness myths and understand why they often lead us astray.
Money and Happiness
It’s easy to assume that more money equals more happiness. While financial security can alleviate stress and meet essential needs, studies consistently show that beyond a certain income level (approximately $75,000 annually in the U.S.), additional wealth has a minimal effect on life satisfaction. This disconnect between money and happiness illustrates how overvaluing wealth can lead to misplaced priorities.
Career Success
A thriving career is often equated with happiness. However, the idea that professional milestones inherently bring joy is one of the most enduring and common happiness myths. Research by Daniel Gilbert shows that while promotions or accolades provide temporary satisfaction, their impact diminishes as we adapt to our new circumstances. This highlights the ongoing tension between success vs. happiness.
Happiness and Materialism
The excitement of owning luxury goods or the latest technology is undeniable. Yet, material possessions rarely provide lasting joy. This phenomenon, known as hedonic adaptation, means that the thrill of a new car, phone, or wardrobe fades quickly, leaving us yearning for the next thing. This false link between happiness and materialism often leaves people feeling unfulfilled despite accumulating wealth. Learn more about how hedonic adaptation affects happiness.
Romantic Relationships
While relationships are a key factor in happiness, the belief that they can resolve all of life’s challenges is one of the most common misconceptions about happiness. The “honeymoon phase” may provide an emotional boost, but sustaining happiness in a relationship requires ongoing effort, communication, and self-awareness.
Physical Beauty
Society often equates beauty with happiness, promoting the idea that physical attractiveness leads to a better life. However, research suggests that cosmetic changes or achieving an ideal weight rarely result in long-term well-being. In fact, people who are overly concerned about their physical appearance tend to have lower happiness levels to begin with. True happiness stems from self-acceptance, inner growth, and fostering meaningful connections.
Good Grades and Academic Success
For students, achieving top grades can feel like a surefire way to happiness. Yet studies reveal that academic success has little long-term impact on overall well-being. The pressure to excel often detracts from more meaningful pursuits, such as building relationships or developing personal values.
By understanding these common happiness myths and re-evaluating what we value, we can focus on authentic, lasting sources of joy instead of chasing illusions. You can read more about these common misconceptions about happiness.

Why Do We Have Miswants?
The prevalence of misconceptions about happiness leads many of us to chase the wrong things, believing they will bring us joy. Society encourages us to strive for wealth, career success, beauty, material possessions, and academic achievements, perpetuating common happiness myths. We spend years pursuing these goals, convinced they will lead to fulfillment, only to find they fall short. But why do we have these miswants, and why don’t these things make us happy?
The Science Behind Miswants
Research by Sonja Lyubomirsky shows that life circumstances—like having lots of money, a good job, or a beautiful home—contribute only 10% to our overall happiness. Meanwhile, 50% is influenced by our genetic baseline (which can be influenced by our behavior through epigenetics), and the remaining 40% is shaped by intentional habits and actions. This data reveals that chasing external achievements, such as money and happiness, rarely results in lasting contentment. Read more about your happiness set point.
Why Aren’t These Things Making Us Happy?
The disconnect stems from how our brains adapt to positive changes. A phenomenon called “hedonic adaptation” ensures that the thrill of a promotion, a new car, or even money fades over time. This is why happiness and materialism are often at odds. Material goods and achievements bring temporary excitement but do not create sustainable joy. Instead, our focus should shift to cultivating habits and values that align with our true needs.
Why Do We Assume They Will?
The false belief in success vs. happiness is reinforced by societal norms and cultural messaging. We’re taught to equate a good job, wealth, or physical beauty with happiness, even though these external markers rarely provide the fulfillment we seek. These beliefs are deeply ingrained, making it challenging to see past them.
To break free from miswants, we need to rethink our priorities. Instead of chasing material goods or status, focus on building meaningful habits and relationships that genuinely contribute to lasting happiness.

The Flaws in Miswanting: Why These Things Don’t Make Us Happy
Our minds are equipped with features that frequently mislead us about happiness. These tendencies contribute to misconceptions about happiness, where we chase goals like wealth, beauty, or success, believing they will deliver lasting joy. However, these common happiness myths often leave us unfulfilled. Let’s explore why.
Faulty Intuitions
Our intuitions about happiness often betray us. For instance, many assume winning the lottery or achieving career milestones will lead to eternal happiness. Studies reveal, however, that our happiness levels tend to revert to a baseline, regardless of life-altering events. This phenomenon explains why we fail to derive long-term satisfaction from material gains or professional achievements.
Relative Thinking
Human minds rarely evaluate situations in absolutes. Instead, we compare our lives to reference points—often unrealistic ones. For instance:
- Salary comparisons: Instead of appreciating our earnings, we compare them to others, fueling dissatisfaction.
- Social media: Seeing curated highlights of others’ lives lowers self-esteem, making us believe our own accomplishments are inadequate.
Even Olympic medalists fall victim to this. Silver medalists, focused on how close they were to gold, report less happiness than bronze medalists, who are grateful just to place.
Hedonic Adaptation
This psychological mechanism causes us to quickly adapt to positive changes, making new achievements feel ordinary. Whether it’s a dream home or a promotion, the initial excitement fades, leaving us searching for the next high. This explains the cycle of pursuing material possessions or accolades without feeling truly fulfilled.
Overestimating Impact
We tend to overestimate the emotional effects of future events—a concept called impact bias. For example, we might believe inheriting wealth or achieving career success will bring unending joy (highlighting the false link between happiness and materialism), while a personal setback will cause lasting despair. In reality, neither extreme has the enduring impact we expect.
The Role of Comparison and Social Influence
Social comparison exacerbates dissatisfaction. Research shows that people would rather earn less money if their peers earn even less than earn more in an environment where others earn substantially more. This highlights the faulty connection between money and happiness. Similarly, excessive exposure to media promotes envy, creating a false standard of success.
Understanding these flaws allows us to rethink the pursuit of happiness. By addressing these biases, we can shift our focus from success vs. happiness and prioritize goals that truly enhance well-being.

Why do Our Minds Lead Us Astray?
Our minds, though extraordinary, are not perfect. They are prone to errors, relying on shortcuts and assumptions that can sometimes mislead us. Just as optical illusions trick our eyes into seeing something that isn’t there, our thoughts and intuitions can lead us to believe in misconceptions about happiness. These mental “illusions” make us chase things like wealth or status, assuming they’ll bring joy, only to leave us unfulfilled.
Let’s explore some fascinating optical illusions to illustrate how our minds can get it wrong—and how understanding these errors can help us make better choices for true happiness.
Which center circle is larger?

Answer
Both circles are the same size. Explanation: The surrounding circles distort your perception, making one center circle seem bigger.
In which image is the Tower of Pisa leaning more?

Answer
Neither—both images are identical. Explanation: The illusion arises because our brain assumes two separate towers, causing one to appear as though it’s leaning more than the other.
How many black circles are at the intersections of the squares?

Answer
There are no black circles at the intersections. Explanation: The illusion tricks your brain into seeing black dots at the intersections, but they disappear when you focus on any specific intersection.
Which part of the X has darker red squares?

Answer
Both parts of the X have squares of the same red shade. Explanation: The surrounding color contrast makes one set of squares appear darker than the other.
How many rings are formed with the black and white squares?

Answer
Four. Explanation: The misalignment of the squares creates a spiral illusion, but all the shapes are concentric circles.
Which of the diagonal lines is longer?

Answer
Both diagonal lines are the same length. Explanation: The surrounding parallelogram shapes create a distorted perspective, making one line seem longer.
How many different shades of grey are visible in the circles?

Answer
There is only one shade of grey. Explanation: The surrounding gradient background alters your perception, making the same grey appear as having varying shades.
Which of the two lines is longer?

Answer
Both lines are the same length. Explanation: The orientation of the arrows at the ends creates an illusion of differing lengths.
Which of the three pillars is the tallest?

Answer
All three pillars are the same height. Explanation: The linear perspective gives the illusion of differing heights, but they are identical.
How many different colors are visible in the larger rectangle?

Answer
There are only three colors. Explanation: Despite appearing as if there are more shades due to the alignment of colors, the pattern exploits the contrast to create this illusion.
How to Overcome Miswanting
Overcoming the flaws in our pursuit of miswants begins with intentional strategies that refocus our efforts on genuine sources of joy. Here are three actionable approaches to combat common happiness myths and realign with true fulfillment:
1. Invest in Experiences, Not Material Goods
Happiness and materialism rarely go hand in hand. While material possessions may provide temporary joy, they quickly become part of our new normal, losing their appeal. Instead, prioritize experiences such as traveling, attending concerts, or sharing a meal with loved ones. Studies reveal that experiences not only bring greater joy at the moment but also leave lasting, positive memories, debunking the misconception that material goods bring lasting happiness.
2. Thwart Hedonic Adaptation
Hedonic adaptation causes us to quickly take for granted things we once desired. Combat this by savoring moments—immerse yourself in experiences, express gratitude, and share joyful events with others. Techniques like negative visualization, where you imagine life without something you value, or pretending it’s the last time you’ll enjoy an experience, can reignite appreciation. Gratitude remains one of the most powerful tools in overcoming success vs. happiness myths, anchoring us in the value of what we already have.
3. Reset Reference Points
Our minds often compare current situations to unrealistic benchmarks, distorting our happiness. Reset these reference points by revisiting past challenges to appreciate current blessings or observing the realities of situations we desire but idealize. Interrupting the consumption of positive experiences or introducing variety prevents adaptation, keeping joy fresh. Avoid social comparisons by limiting exposure to idealized images on social media and practicing mindfulness to catch and counteract envy.
By shifting our focus from money and happiness myths to intentional, mindful living, we can break free from societal misconceptions about happiness and embrace the simple joys that truly matter.

Exercise: Are Your Desires ‘Miswants’?
This week, assess your desires to identify authentic wants versus miswants:
- List your desires. For example: “I want a bigger house.”
- Ask yourself why you want each item. What emotions do you associate with getting it?
- Determine whether the desire is authentic or imposed by societal norms.
- Categorize your desires as “miswants” or genuine aspirations.
- Plan actionable steps to pursue your authentic goals.
Desire | Associated Emotion | Authentic or Imposed? | Miswant? |
Bigger house | Comfort and pride | Imposed | Yes |
Time with family | Connection | Authentic | No |
Conclusion: Pursuing What Truly Matters
Understanding and overcoming the misconceptions about happiness is a transformative step toward lasting fulfillment. Many of us fall victim to common happiness myths, believing that wealth, status, or material possessions will bring joy, only to find ourselves unfulfilled. By shifting our focus to meaningful experiences, practicing gratitude, and building authentic connections, we can break free from the cycle of pursuing the wrong goals.
Are you ready to redefine success vs. happiness and create a life that truly resonates with your values? Join our coaching sessions to uncover how positive psychology and personalized strategies can help you achieve genuine well-being. Together, let’s craft a joyful, purposeful life that aligns with what happiness truly means to you!

Resources
The information in this article is grounded in scientific research. If you’re interested in specific studies, feel free to reach out to us.
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Če vas zanima več o psihoterapiji in iskanju trajne sreče, preberite naslednje članke: Psihoterapija Obala, 5 ključev do trajne sreče in notranjega miru, Najboljši psihoterapevti v Sloveniji: Kako se hitro spopasti s stresom, Psiholog v Kopru: Kako odpraviti težave s psihoterapijo in RTT terapijo, in Psihoterapija Online: Prednosti in učinkovitost terapije na daljavo.